Gnomes Taste Best with Thyme is a short story that won the JaSkier Literary Award in 2019.
We promise you dark Slavic humor, delicious gnomes, and… an appetite for more.
In this world, if you don’t pass your witchcraft exam by the age of 30, you become an unemployed outcast (no more dental insurance, hello to cheap frozen meals for the rest of your life).
This witch is 28 years old and on the verge of a mental breakdown. She can’t afford to be late, but the bridge trolls have other plans.
Will she make it on time?
And the most important question – are gnomes better roasted with thyme, or as a filling for Polish kielbasa?
Gnomes with Thyme BEST recipe
My Polish witch babcia used to grind gnomes and fill pierogi with them. Family from my father’s side (if you are Polish and from Chicago, this is the proper way) used to eat them crispy-fried, with proziaki (google it, delicious) and garlic butter.
But my mum’s recipe… Oh, my mum’s recipe! It’s the best way.
Gnomes with Thyme Recipe – Warsaw Style
Ingredients:
4 medium potatoes (your favorite variety will work well)
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 teaspoons fresh thyme, chopped
2 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
Instructions:
- Preheat your oven to 425°F (220°C).
- Wash and peel the potatoes.
- Cut them into small cubes (about 1-inch pieces).
- Blanch the gnomes in boiling water to stop them from biting. Peel off their rags. Don’t lose any of the little hats—add them during baking, as they cook quickly.
- Cut the gnomes into 4 pieces, not too small.
- In a large bowl, toss the potato cubes with olive oil, thyme, garlic, salt, and pepper until evenly coated.
- Spread the seasoned potatoes in a single layer on a baking sheet. Make sure the potatoes are not overcrowded to ensure they get crispy.
- Spread the gnomes evenly among the potatoes.
- Bake in the preheated oven for 25-30 minutes, or until the potatoes are golden brown and crispy. Add the little hats 5 minutes before the potatoes and gnomes are done baking to prevent them from burning.
- The dish is ready when the gnomes stop swearing and hissing.
Remove from the oven and let cool slightly before serving. Remember, don’t add too much salt, because gnomes are already salty!
Enjoy!
About the Author
Hi there!
Or, as I used to say – “Czołem”! It’s a traditional greeting among Polish scouts. Well, I wasn’t one of them, but boy, do I love a good hike!
I’m not new to writing. My work has been published in various Polish magazines, zines, and short story collections. Two of my short stories won the JaSkier Prize in 2019 and 2021.
My debut book, Pieśń o Warszawie (aka POW, aka Chanson sur Varsovie, aka Warsaw Song), was also published in 2019. You should read it if you like post-apocalyptic themes, climate change (hard to like, but we should talk more about this!), sad teenagers, guilt, abandonment, and mysterious murder.
Oh, but you CAN’T read it in English just now… Any literary agents here to help?
If you enjoy
- Comedy
- Dark humor
- Protagonist’s anguish
- Cottagecore
- Post-apocalypse
- Solarpunk
- Slavic legends
you should stick around. Or stay with me. Stand by me. STAND BY MEEEE!
Polish 
English